Manufacturers can tell you, for example, how the relationship between the size of a product and its value affects the chances it will be stolen. They can tell you that the most expensive thing in the store is not the most pilfered. In fact, it's the most expensive small thing in the store that's stuffed under coats most often. Small things are easier to conceal, making it a less risky crime. And even as a small thing's value rises, the risk of taking it doesn't, making it a more appealing crime. The manufacturers and retailers understand the relationship with an almost eerie precision.

Ask Walgreens about Gillette razors. Tiny box, 10 bucks. Ask Macy's about MAC makeup. Little compact. Lot of money.

This is why companies like those spend tens of millions of dollars on packaging design, point-of-sale display security and electronics like radio tags. Gillette once even tried to spy on shoppers with cameras and RFIDs just to prevent what retailers ickily refer to as product leakage.

And this is why I can write Monday's news for you now: Apple iPhones are going to get stolen. The iPhone debuts June 29, accompanied by a sad and unhealthy amount of hype. ("Hey, John, did you hear about what happened in Iraq? Yeah, lookit, I read it using the wicked cool browser on my awesome new iPhone!") That means by Monday, Tuesday at the latest, mark my words, some major newspaper will write the story about how many iPhones are being stolen.

The New York Times headline will read "iPhones Popular with the Kids, and the Thieves, Too." The New York Post will have a close-up shot of one in a greasy hand on the subway with the headline: "iGot Your iPhone!" Cable news will have talking heads under the banner iPhone Crisis and Anderson will be saying: "Do you really believe that iPhone theft is tightly linked to the left's gay marriage conspiracy, Ann?"

Anyway, don't say I didn't warn you. Apple iPhones have all the elements of a good theft spree. They are expensive, small, in demand and in reasonably short supply. They are beautiful, valuable (remember to add the value of the 1,800 songs, contacts and, if you're shopping with them, personal information stored in them) and, of course, crucial to the success of the gay-marriage conspiracy. These things are hot!

With all that in mind, I thought, why wait to find out, in some violent surprising way, how your iPhone will get stolen? I can expedite the process for you with some easy-to-follow advice that will guarantee your precious new gadget will go missing, at the latest, by the time you hit the clubs Saturday night. Here's the sure-fire way.