1. Flaunt It. Yes, Jessica, we know you're very important and that call you're making is something we all need to hear about. Keep flashing the phone and declaring to the person on the other end that you can't fly out that day because your new iPhone planner says you've got a tee time for that morning. Do this especially in a crowded public place like the park or a plaza. I'm sure you won't mind breaking a Manolo heel when you have to try and chase down the kid who runs by you and pulls off this era's version of a purse-snatching.

2. Leave It in Sight in Your Locked, Alarm-Activated Car. Why tuck that new phone away in the lockable glove box when you've got the bloop-doop dongle that locks your fancy car and sets off the alarm if someone tries to break in? Just drop it there on the passenger seat on top of the newspaper and the box of dry cleaning. The car alarm is an effective deterrent to crime; I'm sure John Q. Citizen will respond to your fancy car's sequence of siren pleas for help after that kid smashes the window, grabs the iPhone and takes off.

3. Put It on the Table During Your Outdoor Bistro Lunch. How do you convey to the women one table over that you're a player? Place that iPhone on your table next to the San Pellegrino while you nosh on bread. Don't worry, the waiter you've been abusing and planning to leave a 6 percent tip for won't pick that up. Neither will the kid walking by on the sidewalk—you know, the one who just snatched Jessica's iPhone in the park. Whassup ladies?

4. Make Sure to Use the Ear Buds with White Wires. Otherwise, someone might think you've got JAP—Just Another Phone. With ultra-conspicuous white, all kinds of people will be able to spot your iPhone from a mile away.

5. Leave It with Coat Check. Hey, you aren't married to work, like those Crackberry addicts! Besides, the boss doesn't like his minions constantly taking calls or checking e-mail during the strategy dinner. He'll have your full, undivided attention, and surely the iPhone will still be in the coat after that last glass of port.

6. Take It to the Club. After you buy her a martini but before you dance, make sure you tell her, "I have to take this call," and throw that thing up to your ear as you turn away. Trust me, women love this. Don't worry, that pickpocket scanning the room didn't see it and, anyway, you'd probably notice if he tried to pickpocket on that noisy, crowded dance floor, anyway.