Monster Bosses: Be Very Afraid

Even the best bosses can occasionally take on some of the traits of these monsters.

Zombie
Monster bosses

Even the best bosses can occasionally take on some of the traits of these monsters, on Halloween or any other day. (Not my manager, of course; if anyone's asking, she's perfect.) 

But if your boss starts exhibiting any of these unfortunate characteristics, we recommend you hightail it out of there as soon as possible, because you never know when he or she will turn against you. If that's not possible, at least keep some high-grade chocolate on hand; even a scary boss enjoys a good piece of candy every now and again.

Frankenstein’s Monster
The buddy boss

Though intelligent and well read, this boss is sensitive, insecure and, above all, looking for acceptance and companionship. When working on a big project together, he may try a little too hard to become your buddy, but be wary of getting too close.

If this boss determines that you're acting nice just to get on his good side, his despair could drive him into a violent rage. Or at least it could make him vow never to put your bonus paperwork in on time. With this type of boss, best to always have a valid excuse as to why you can’t grab a drink after work. 

The Invisible Man
The absent -- and invisible -- boss

This unsupportive boss can never be found when you run into a roadblock on that big project or need to increase your budget for the important task he assigned you. Forget about asking for a raise. Perhaps his most reliable disappearing act happens when the Big Boss flies into a rage, looking for heads to chop.

In fact, this boss is most always hard to spot off the golf course; he stays isolated because he is distrustful and doesn’t like to share credit for his work. He also neglects to come up with a back-up plan if his original idea doesn’t pan out as desired.

Be careful about complaining about this one in the workplace; he could materialize out of thin air when least expected. 

The Creature from the Black Lagoon
The swampy, incompetent boss

This boss lacks communication skills and was promoted solely because she was the last one left standing from her previous team. (Better not to ask why.) Plus her boss is, understandably, just a bit afraid of this one.

Being a swamp critter, she loves to throw as many obstacles in your way as humanly (?) possible and thrives on chaos. The more disorganization, the better she likes it -- which makes it difficult to get your work done in any semblance of order. Kiss all your deadlines goodbye.

The danger comes when she is put in the defensive. If she thinks that you are attacking her work habits or projects, she will lash out. If you've never learned to swim, this might be a good time.

Count Dracula
The micromanager

A textbook micromanager, this boss can be exceedingly polite but flies into a blind rage if his directions aren't followed precisely. Any perceived act of even the slightest insubordination will bring on a wave of insults as he berates you for your behavior -- usually in front of a few of your peers.

Mind games are also part of this boss’s M.O. After handing out a verbal thrashing, this boss will suddenly pull an about-face, assuring you how much you mean to the company as he tries to suck you back into the fold. Don’t fall for it.

Always keep a defense file on hand, including all of your recent accomplishments. And it wouldn't hurt to keep a few cloves of garlic in your desk.

Mothra
The stalker

This boss always seems to be hovering and otherwise smothering you; she follows you everywhere, including into the restroom if possible. This boss is also protective of her projects to a fault. If she perceives any threat to her ideas, there is no telling who or what she will destroy to save her ventures.

As a result, she allows you to exercise no judgment at all and, if annoyed sufficiently, wraps you in her giant cocoon and eats you for lunch. Giant fly swatter, anyone?

Wolf man
The inconsistent boss

This one says one thing and does another. Usually he's nice enough, but when the full moon comes around, or a major work deadline looms, this boss seems to transform. You never see him during the day (we can only assume that he is curled up under the desk sleeping), but he will come out at night to attack and destroy any work you have done. Come daylight, he's back to being a good dog -- um, guy.