Everything's Coming Up BlackBerry!

You have to admire the wide-eyed optimism of anyone predicting that BlackBerry's due for a turnaround, particularly at Apple's expense.

You have to admire the wide-eyed optimism of anyone predicting that BlackBerry's due for a turnaround, particularly at Apple's expense.

And clinical psychiatrists say you should also back away from them slowly and calmly, while smiling and never losing eye contact. As soon as you make it to the door, run for your life and never look back.

Writing for Seeking Alpha, Anup Singh wonders if "Apple's Missteps Could Be BlackBerry's Turnaround."

Hmm, yeah, pretty sure you're going to need more than "missteps" for that. In fact, you're going to need some kind of Jackass-style fall from a roof into a swimming pool full of chiggers and ticks.

For a long period of time, BlackBerry (BBRY) was the de facto choice for businesses looking for a secure mobile device. Apple (AAPL) has now become the irresistible choice of users in the enterprise sphere, replacing the ex-market leader.

Why is that? Because iOS is the most secure of the modern mobile operating systems and has a robust ecosystem. Please note all those criteria, because they're essential.

So, why is Apple headed for the fall at the hands of ... boy, it's hard to write this without laughing ... BlackBerry?

Security of Apple's devices has been subjected to flaws multiple times in the last seven months.

Well, this is certainly a major threat to Apple, as it's well-known that BlackBerry has never had any security flaws, ever.

Seriously, the Macalope found those two--which happened within the last seven months--with about five seconds of searching. Go back to February of 2013 and you'll find a notice of a major security flaw in BlackBerry's enterprise server. Singh, however, is somehow completely unaware of these flaws' existence.

Now, someone hold Singh's beer, because he's going to perform some incredible logical gymnastics here:

Then, Apple devices' lack of security was further exposed in December, when a report claimed that MacBooks' webcams can spy on their users without warning. ... This vulnerability doesn't work on Macs built post 2008; however, it's probable that similar hacks exist for newer versions.

Wow! How does he do that?! Some say he's double-jointed and grew up in the circus. Yes, let's just assume there's something similar to this old flaw in newer hardware and that this kind of vulnerability only exists on Apple devices--because that's responsible security policy.

The primary point is that Apple's products have been exposed to various security breaches several times in just one year, hurting the company's reputation, while BlackBerry's security has been hermetic.

Hermetic in the sense that these days it's only used by hermits who are unaware of the progress in mobile operating systems since 2007?

So, investors can expect BlackBerry to gain enterprise market share from Apple in the future, making it a better investment.

Provably false facts lead to laughable conclusions. That's Seeking Alpha's tag line, isn't it?

The exposA(c) regarding Apple's security flaw could lead users to switch away from its devices. The company is already finding it difficult to record revenue growth.

Un ... like ... Black ... Berry?

What is this the Macalope is reading? Is it performance art? Well, it's clearly performance art of some kind, the only question is whether or not it's intentional.

Singh goes on and on like this, repeating the same contention over and over, as if it will become less laughable through repetition.

The enterprise sphere was probably Apple's golden chance, however, numerous security failures indicate that the company is destined to lose market share to BlackBerry in the future.

See?!

Organizations will soon realize that BlackBerry's security is better than Apple, and will start switching back.

OK, back up to what the Macalope said up top. Why is iOS popular in the enterprise? Because it's the most secure of the modern mobile operating systems and has a robust ecosystem. Even if you believe Singh's BLACKBERRY HAS NO SECURITY FLAWS line, it's still a non-starter in the enterprise because its ecosystem is ... well, to be perfectly blunt, it doesn't have an ecosystem.

Although BlackBerry's shares have taken a pounding over the last few years, it looks ripe for a turnaround.

It sure looks ripe, all right.

This story, "Everything's Coming Up BlackBerry!" was originally published by Macworld.

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