Microsoft Wants to Protect You With Windows Live OneCare

By Constantine von Hoffman

Sometimes the jokes just write themselves: Microsoft is getting into the computer security business. The new Windows OneCare Live will allegedly protect your Windows OS from spyware, viruses, etc., for a mere $50 a year. Yeah, because when it comes to brands nothing says computer security like Microsoft. Isn’t that like trusting FEMA to manage the response to emergencies? How much do I have to pay to get something to protect me from MS’s own security flaws?

And speaking of Federal agencies and jokes that write themselves… Quoth the NYT:

George C. Deutsch, the young presidential appointee at NASA who told public affairs workers to limit reporters’ access to a top climate scientist and told a Web designer to add the word “theory” at every mention of the Big Bang, resigned yesterday, agency officials said.  Mr. Deutsch’s resignation came on the same day that officials at Texas A&M University confirmed that he did not graduate from there, as his resume on file at the agency asserted.

Mr. Deutsch alleged he had a degree in journalism and once again the facts proved him wrong.

In case you found The Sims too abstract

Intel has unveiled The Intel® IT Manager Game. The game

“tests your entire skill set – people management, resource allocation, strategic analysis and planning. It also tests your courage under fire – can you stand up to the scrutiny of top management along with that of your peers in the industry? Will the decisions you make result in breathtaking profits or devastating losses? Will you enjoy the sweet taste of victory or the bitter agony of defeat? Are you destined for management glory or will you be the kid sitting on the sidelines, waiting for the bell to ring?”

As someone who is probably a lot more game obsessive than the next person (see my stockpile here), I’m having trouble seeing this one ever getting ported to GameStation.  Suddenly a day playing Candy Land sounds a lot more appealing. Maybe if they put out a Grand Theft Auto type mod … nope, no one wants to watch nude nerds.

This reminds me of something I noticed at a lot of truck stops: In the video game area there are always a lot of driving games. So let’s see, I’ve just finished my 12 hour driving shift, am waiting for the Red Bull to wear out and to kill time I play … a driving game? Maybe they’d like to try their hands at being IT managers, instead.

An urban myth sort of comes to life.

If you are a devoted reader of Snopes.com – and who isn’t – then you are familiar with the myth about the Postal Service (or some other arm of government) planning to charge a five cent tax on every email. Well, darned if AOL & Yahoo! didn’t look at this idea and see it as a workable one. The companies are set to unveil the equivalent of a private lane on the information super highway. (Bet you haven’t heard it called that in a while. It’s amazing how much dust I am willing to move in order to strain for a bad metaphor.) Companies that pay .25 cents and “promise to contact only people who have agreed to receive their messages” (yeah, I believe that) will get the ability to bypass various SPAM filters. The rest of us – and companies that don’t feel like being shaken down – will still travel in the electronic equivalent of steerage.

There has been some actual dispute over whether or how the comments button on this page still works, but apparently it does. I invite you to try for yourself. Also, for those of you seeking even more allegedly humorous fare allow me to direct you to my other blog, Collateral Damage, which makes fun of marketing.