10 Issues Around Apple, Intel, Microsoft & Levi’s Doing Business Together

By Constantine von Hoffman

OK, so Apple is now doing business with everyone: The company is going to be using Intel chips, running Microsoft Office and wearing Levi Strauss jeans. Levi’s just unveiled The RedWire DLX Jeans which will have an iPod remote, a docking station in its pockets and attached headphones.

This raises a lot of questions.

1. Will I finally be able to find Apple HQ using Microsoft World? (You remember, of course, that Mr. Jobs’ campus was [is?] missing from The Evil Empire’s version of Google Earth. )
2. Will I be able to find a clean pair of pants using Microsoft World?
3. Can we expect an endless supply of patches for Apple’s OS and browser? Will they be iron-on?
4. Will Apple now produce a reasonably priced product, or will it follow in the Levi’s tradition of overpriced and over-designed? No, wait, they’ve already made that decision.
5. Will MSOffice or the Mac OS now run the risk of making me look fat or clashing with my shirt?
6. If I wash my darks and whites together will I be confronted by the dreaded Blue Pants Of Death?
7. Will Intel’s customer support become as bad as Apple’s? Will I be able to return my chip set to any number of mall-based retail outlets?
8. Will my viruses come out in the wash?
9. Will I have to upgrade my pants every six months? Will my computer last as long as my pants? Yeah, right.
10. What about Linux jeans? These will last longer but the wearer will have to sew them together with pieces from several different manufacturers. Also, they can’t be worn with most of the clothes already on the market.

This is not what I thought people meant by “convergence.”

In an effort to prevent Apple from monopolizing the tech/mass-market clothes connection, IBM has announced that it is partnering with The Gap. The retailer is expected to unveil a new line of Big Blue jeans and IBM is going to start wrapping its servers in color-coordinated 100% cotton cases. Despite this, analysts say they do not expect IBM to gain any “cool” as a result of the deal.

And Speaking Of The Great Satan …  First Wild Bill gets named a person of the year and now this: Gates Unanimously Picked As AP All-Pro. However a portion of all his tackles will go to helping deal with international health-care issues.

Every Job Has Its DrawbacksThe Federal Aviation Administration has named David M. Bowen as its new CIO. He was given the position after a rigorous security check which included taking off his shoes and being asked if at any time he had left his career unattended.

Questions, comments, concerns? Feel free to leave a comment or email me at cvonhoffman@cxo.com.