Recessionary talk is in the air once again, thanks to the good folks at Gartner. In a July report, Gartner urges CIOs to prepare for a second economic downturn—if one should ever occur.
“In 2008, most CIOs were forgiven for being unprepared to deal with the global recession,” notes the report, “but if another recession unfolds in the next 12 to 18 months, no CIO will be forgiven for being unprepared a second time.”
Ken McGee, a VP and Gartner fellow, states in the report that “CIOs today are uniquely placed to tackle a second economic downturn, if they plan accordingly.”
While Gartner delivers several smart strategies for CIOs, I now offer up 10 not-so-smart ways in which CIOs are planning to tackle “Global Recession: The Sequel.” (For more fun at Gartner’s expense, see Gartner’s “Hype Cycle” Like You’ve Never Seen It Before and Gartner Goes Fonzie on Us: “Aaay, It’s a Cool Vendor.”)
10. Going into the closet and dusting off the “Do More With Less” banners to hang back up in the IT conference room and kitchen areas.
9. Two words: Prison Labor.
8. “Hey, XP has been pretty good to us so far, hasn’t it? And who really wants Windows 7, anyway?”
7. MORE UNPAID INTERNS!
6. IT’s new project-portfolio management mantra: “Don’t Bother Asking.”
5. No more Beer-Blast Fridays, and It’s “Bring Your Own Computer” (a.k.a. BYOC) to work—everyday!
4. Excel has been doing a fine job as our company’s “business intelligence” application for decades. Why change a good thing?
3. Note to all IT staffers: The annual IT summer celebration—formerly an “open bar” at Paco’s Bayside Burrito & Margarita Hut—will now be taking place at Darryl’s condo.
2. Make everyone re-apply for their jobs at lower pay grades. Again.
1. Meet our new QA testers: Russian Hackers!
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