A Meeting with "The Bobs"A consultant (usually named "Bob") schedules a meeting with you to discuss "how people at your company spend their day at work." Not good. \n\nBecause you know what's coming \n\nnext: "What would you say ya do here?" \n\nNickname Goes From Nerdy to NastyYour nickname among the terrified and brow-beaten user community: "Last Resort," because no employee ever wants to call you for help at what they call the IT "hurt" desk.\n\nMeet the Mall CopsYour upcoming performance review looks so terrible that the HR administrator has asked Tim and Gene (the company's "friendly" security guards) \n\nto "sit in" on the meeting, "you know, just in case."\n\nA "New" WorkspaceThey took away your blazing-fast Dell PC, three HD monitors, VoIP phone and gray walls of your cubicle. Your new tech setup: What appears to be a late-model Tandy 1000 residing on a faux-wood desk in \n\nthe old janitor's closet.\n\n\nYou're Cast in the Land of the LostYour tech skills are so out of date, younger IT staffers refer to you as "Barney \n\nthe Dinosaur" or "Captain COBOL."\n\n\n"Special Project for a Special Employee"You're racking your brain as to why you were pulled off that strategic BI implementation and put on this special assignment: "Corporate Research Project: The Market for Our Ice-Cube Product in Antarctica."\n\n\nSpy GamesThe digital "paper trail" that's noting your whereabouts and documenting your every interaction with superiors is so voluminous that it requires its \n\nown server. \n\n\nThey're Just Not That In to YouYou walk into the room of the big "CRM Kickoff" team meeting between IT and the business side, and the VP of marketing groans and then \n\nsarcastically says, "Great, we get 'Dr. No' for this one. Good luck getting the software we actually want, guys!"\n\n\nYou've "Branded" Yourself, All Right, BubAll your extra work \n\non pumping up your "personal brand" on social media sites has, unfortunately, \n\ncreated an undesirable FAIL for the rest of the company: Twitter, Facebook and most every other social-media website have been added to the \n\ncorporate "blocked" list, due to the "overzealous use of the websites by one company employee." Thanks, pal.\n\n\nA "Unique" Overseas OpportunityThe location of your new "globe-trotting" IT assignment, destined to put valuable multi-national experience on your resume? Afghanistan. "Have a safe flight!"\n\n Do you Tweet? Follow me on Twitter @twailgum. Follow \n\neverything from CIO.com on Twitter @CIOonline.