James Jordan had been trying to fund his own healthcare technology company with the profits from his independent IT consulting business for 15 months when he concluded that the embattled healthcare industry was just not ready for his software product and that it was time to start a job search. \n\n\nJordan initially developed the application, now a health management portal, for his then 12-year-old daughter, Courtney, who was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when she was just a peanut at three years old. Jordan was frustrated by the tools available to Courtney; nothing made it easy for her to track her blood sugar levels or the amount of carbohydrates and Insulin she was taking. \n\n\nThe portal Jordan created helps diabetics like Courtney and patients with other chronic illnesses to monitor and manage their conditions and connect with caregivers, insurance providers, suppliers and other patients through a set of interactive online tools and dashboards. Patients can upload data to the portal using any of their medical devices. \n\n\nJordan was successful in piloting the portal at Riley Hospital for Children in Indianapolis, Indiana, where his daughter is a patient. Jordan says using the portal helped reduce Courtney's A1C level, a measure of her average blood sugar level, by 1.5 points over the course of a year. Healthcare practitioners consider such a dramatic decrease to be a huge success. Jordan says the portal also saved the state of Indiana $1,400 by reducing his daughter's need for medical supplies and doctor visits, and it saved his family $250 in insurance co-payments. \n\n\nJordan talked with more than 125 large healthcare organizations about his portal. He says they saw its promise, but they couldn't commit to deploying it because they were consumed with complying with the nation's new healthcare laws. \n\n\nSo in March he decided, with his wife's encouragement, to find a CIO job. \n\n\nJordan dusted off his old r\u00e9sum\u00e9 and updated it with his experience at S5Health, his startup. He then cast his r\u00e9sum\u00e9 out for various CIO jobs; in three months only one employer took his bait. He needed a r\u00e9sum\u00e9 makeover. \n\nEnter TheLadders\n\n Job search Website TheLadders offered to critique and rewrite a CIO.com reader's r\u00e9sum\u00e9. CIO.com Senior Online Editor Meridith Levinson asked readers to submit their r\u00e9sum\u00e9s for consideration through her Career Connection blog. Submissions poured in, and with TheLadders' assistance, Levinson selected Jordan's r\u00e9sum\u00e9 because it represented many of the challenges CIOs and IT professionals face when writing their r\u00e9sum\u00e9s. \n\nThe R\u00e9sum\u00e9 Critique\n\n\nWithin five days of receiving Jordan's r\u00e9sum\u00e9, Caitlin Adriance, an executive r\u00e9sum\u00e9 analyst and certified professional r\u00e9sum\u00e9 writer with TheLadders, turned around a thorough critique of Jordan's r\u00e9sum\u00e9. Her big-picture assessment: Jordan's r\u00e9sum\u00e9 didn't provide hiring managers with relevant information about his qualifications, and thus, was selling him short. \n\n\n"Your r\u00e9sum\u00e9 simply does not reflect your professional caliber," Adriance wrote to Jordan in a private message via TheLadders' Website. "You have an excellent background...you have the qualifications...but you are just not making that first impression count. Frankly, the r\u00e9sum\u00e9 positions you for a lower-level job and salary than you desire\u2014or deserve." \n\n\nAdriance, who estimates she has reviewed more than 20,000 r\u00e9sum\u00e9s in her career, identified the following eight aspects of Jordan's r\u00e9sum\u00e9 that needed improvement. \n\n\n\n1. Inclusion of an Objective Statement \n\n\n\nJordan included a wordy objective near the top of his r\u00e9sum\u00e9. Adriance discouraged his use of an objective statement because r\u00e9sum\u00e9 objectives speak to the job seeker's needs rather than the employers'. She noted in her comments on Jordan's r\u00e9sum\u00e9 that objectives are only customary for recent college graduates and other candidates with far less work experience than Jordan. \n\n\n2. Lack of Executive Summary\n\n\nAdriance recommended replacing the objective statement with an executive summary. "A great, hard-hitting summary establishes the focus of your r\u00e9sum\u00e9 with a good positioning slug, provides the reader with a concise picture of the value you offer, and implies where you are headed in your career," wrote Adriance. "Employers will often make their decision on whether to proceed with a r\u00e9sum\u00e9 by first reading this section." \n\n\n3. Generic Areas of Expertise\n\n\nJordan provided a bulleted list of his 10 "Notable Skills" between his objective and career history. Adriance pointed out that highlighting one's top skills is an effective r\u00e9sum\u00e9 strategy because it helps employers find them online when they search for candidates with specific skills. \n\n\nThe problem with Jordan's execution of this strategy was that the skills he listed were generic and articulated poorly. \n\n\n4. Lack of Focus\n\n\nJordan's r\u00e9sum\u00e9 suffered from an identity crisis: Half of it was focused on his work launching S5Health while the other half was devoted to describing his CIO and IT management experience. The lack of focus made it unclear whether he was seeking a CIO job or to market his startup. \n\n\nFurther complicating matters, Jordan used the same bulleted format to describe the S5Health portal's functionality that he used to communicate his work experience and accomplishments. Adriance said this made it harder for employers to identify his achievements. \n\n\n"They expect to see specific accomplishments (and only specific accomplishments) in bullets," she wrote. "So including this platform description in the same format only means that the reader will not be able to find your achievements as quickly." \n\n\n5. Content Gives the Wrong Impression\n\n\nAdriance noted that Jordan's r\u00e9sum\u00e9 doesn't communicate the value he's contributed to each of his employers. One reason his r\u00e9sum\u00e9 falls short in this goal is because he mixes responsibilities with accomplishments in his bullet points, and Adriance said combining the two dilutes the impact of both and makes it harder for employers to find the details they need to evaluate candidates. \n\n\n"Employers read the [executives] summary, then very briefly check bullets for outcomes and results to similar circumstances they are currently facing," Adriance explained to Jordan. "If they skim bullets and see task-based material, rarely do they keep reading." \n\n\n6. Not Enough Metrics\n\n\nJordan had some solid metrics on his r\u00e9sum\u00e9 related to cost savings he achieved and revenue he generated in various positions, but he doesn't have enough. Adriance told him that his r\u00e9sum\u00e9 needs to be much more outcome-based to stand out in an intensely competitive job market. \n\n\n"...employers look for potential in the quantitative evidence you show of your success," Adriance wrote in her critique. "You need to be much more aggressive in tone and in outlining exactly how you've made a positive impact for your employers in the past." \n\n\nAdriance added that tangible results are more important than individual responsibilities on an executive r\u00e9sum\u00e9. "When you reach these high levels and are looking to transition out of an entrepreneurial role, duties and tasks become underlying factors, not deciding factors," she wrote. "The ones who get the interviews will be those who consistently show the concrete and provable results of their work." \n\nAre you making the same mistakes on your resume that James Jordan made on his? Check out his resume prior to the makeover.\n\n\n7. Using the Pronoun "I"\n\n\n\nJordan wrote portions of his r\u00e9sum\u00e9 in the first person. Adriance said using the personal pronoun "I" gives what is supposed to be a professional document a casual tone and makes Jordan look unprofessional. \n\n\n"If you aren't communicating your job descriptions, accomplishments and other aspects of your work experiences well in your r\u00e9sum\u00e9, hiring managers will assume you are not a good communicator in person," Adriance warned Jordan. \n\n\n8. Ineffective Design\n\n\nAdriance told Jordan that the design and layout of his r\u00e9sum\u00e9\u2014and in particular, his over-reliance on bullet points\u2014hides his impressive qualifications. She recommended using a job description format to highlight his skills and accomplishments. \n\nThe Makeover\n\nWith the improvements that TheLadders needed to make to Jordan's r\u00e9sum\u00e9 identified, Meredith Spencer, another one of TheLadders' certified professional r\u00e9sum\u00e9 writers who works with IT executives, undertook the rewrite. \n\n\nSpencer and Jordan set up a conference call on June 6. Spencer wanted to learn more about Jordan's job search, the kinds of positions he was seeking, and his work experience. In an encouraging, professional manner, Spencer probed Jordan for details on S5Health, the portal he built, specific responsibilities he held in various roles and specific accomplishments. She told Jordan to send her ads for jobs that interested him so that she could tailor his new r\u00e9sum\u00e9 toward those positions. \n\n\nOn June 10, Spencer sent Jordan a first draft of his revamped r\u00e9sum\u00e9. Jordan was delighted with Spencer's work, which only required a few minor changes. In an e-mail to CIO.com Jordan wrote: "They did a great job in branding me and helping me put my best foot forward. My old r\u00e9sum\u00e9 made me look like a junior executive, rather than the senior-level executive that I am. ...I am sure a lot of your readers have made some of the same mistakes that I made on my r\u00e9sum\u00e9. So many CIOs are good at solving problems and innovating, but we have a hard time branding ourselves." \n\n\nIndeed, taking stock of one's entire career (including all the responsibilities one has held and accomplishments achieved), assessing one's strengths, then taking that necessary step back to identify which points are truly worthy of including on one's r\u00e9sum\u00e9 is no easy task. In fact, Adriance addressed that very concern in one of her messages to Jordan, when she noted that many candidates have trouble viewing their r\u00e9sum\u00e9 objectively. Often it takes an outsider to get that objective perspective. \n\n\nOn June 13, Spencer sent the following final version of Jordan's r\u00e9sum\u00e9 to him. \n\n\nJames Jordan's Resume: After the Makeover\n\n\nWithin two days of submitting his swanky new r\u00e9sum\u00e9 to employers, Jordan had a job interview scheduled. How's that for results?