by Tom Kaneshige

If Corporations Were People…

Aug 15, 20113 mins
FacebookInternetIT Strategy

Former Massachusetts Gov. and presidential hopeful Mitt Romney infamously said last week, "Corporations are people, my friend." We're assuming he meant tech companies, too. So what actors would play them? What would the movies be called?

Matt Damon Plays Apple in “Maybe You Make Sh*tty Products”

Matt Damon can do it all on screen, from action (“Bourne Identity”) to drama (“Good Will Hunting”) to westerns (“True Grit”) to comedy (“Ocean’s Thirteen”). In real life, he’s not to be messed with, either. Check out this video of Damon cutting down a cameraman, in true Apple style.

Slideshow: Teardown: Apple CEO Steve Jobs

Olsen Twins Play RIM in “Double Trouble”


Just because RIM has two CEOs isn’t the only reason the Olsen twins would be perfect. The Olsen twins were up-and-coming stars in Hollywood a few years ago only to fizzle out today. Sound familiar, RIM?

Slideshow: CEO Teardown: BlackBerry-Maker RIM’s Mike Lazaridis and Jim Balsillie

Gabriel Macht plays Oracle in “Sharks in Suits”


Gabriel Macht plays a hotshot lawyer in a big law firm on USA Network’s new hit television show “Suits.” He’s a shark in a suit. Can you think of a more perfect image for Larry Ellison and Oracle? Teardown: Oracle CEO Larry Ellison

Larry Ellison in Pictures: It’s Good to Be The King

Ashton Kutcher Plays Twitter in “Yeah, I’m Still Around”


With millions of Twitter followers, Ashton Kutcher playing Twitter is a no-brainer. Although movie critics continue to blast Kutcher’s simple acting skills, the self-described tech geek manages to stay relevant just like Twitter.

Slideshow: The Ultimate Twitter Quiz

Slideshow: 10 Ways To Know You’re in the Twitter Twilight Zone

Jason Statham plays Google in “The Bully”


Why is it that when we think of Google, a bully comes to mind? Jason Statham has played a bully in some of the top action flicks in the past few years. Once he’s got you in his crosshairs, look out!

Jennifer Aniston plays Hewlett-Packard in “Return to Friends”


For Silicon Valley faithful, Hewlett-Packard holds a special place in their hearts. It was a great company with humble beginnings that treated employees well even as it grew to rock star status. But it has fallen on hard times lately. Like Jennifer Aniston, you just want Hewlett-Packard to do well.

Philip Seymour Hoffman Plays Intel, Wins Best Supporting Role


Philip Seymour Hoffman is one of the smartest actors in Hollywood whose career encompasses some of the greatest Best Supporting Actor roles — much like Intel in the computing world.

Gilbert Gottfried Plays Microsoft in “Tired of My Shtick?”


For some reason the funny-sounding Gilbert Gottfried became a hit comedian. But he’s a one-trick pony whose shtick is getting old and annoying. (Draw your own Microsoft comparisons.) This year he was fired by Aflac for making poor judgment jokes on Twitter.

Denzel Washington Plays Facebook in “Trust Me”


Everyone wants to be friends with the charismatic Denzel Washington. But that friendship might come back to bite you (“Et Tu, Brute?”). Is he a good guy? Bad guy? For the record, we love the movie “Training Day.”