What strategy should SAP's lawyers choose as the feud with Oracle hits the courtroom? Here are eight unconventional ideas. What started with Oracle’s March 2007 lawsuit against SAP (and TomorrowNow) is about to finally come to a Northern California courtroom: The trial that never seemed like it actually would go to trial is set to commence on Nov. 1, 2010.SAP certainly hoped this trial never would come to pass. In August, SAP basically surrendered to Oracle: again admitting to TomorrowNow’s mistakes; acknowledging the Oracle illegal downloads and copyright infringement by TN via Oracle servers; and stating that it was willing to pay for those errors. But Oracle remains unsatisfied and resolute, and it appears the case is soon headed to trial. With that in mind, here are several famous oratory defenses that might help SAP during the trial. A Few Good Men defense… Oracle attorney David Boies [cross-examining SAP cofounder Hasso Plattner]: “I want the truth!” Plattner: “You can’t handle ze truth!” Eric “Otter” Stratton (of Animal House fame) defense… “The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with Oracle intellectual property; we did. But you can’t hold a whole company responsible for the behavior of a few sick, perverted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole vendor ecosystem? And if the whole vendor ecosystem is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of Fortune 500 institutions in general? I put it to you, Judge Hamilton! Isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do what you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you bad-mouth the United States of America! Gentlemen!” The O.J. Simpson defense… “If the server log doesn’t fit, then you must acquit.” The President Bill Clinton defense… “We did not have pretexual relations with that Oracle server.” If no one believes that, then SAP could try Clinton’s second (less famous) defense: “We did have a relationship with Oracle’s software that was not appropriate. In fact, it was wrong. It constituted a critical lapse in judgment and an institutional failure on our part for which we are solely and completely responsible.” The Bill Gates (U.S. v. Microsoft) “absurdly evasive” defense… “What do you mean by the term ‘we’?” The Mandy (from Temptation Island) defense… “It was just an ‘intimate moment’ with Oracle’s IP. It meant nothing.” The Steve Slater (a.k.a. jettisoning JetBlue flight attendant) defense… “Larry had been so rude to us that we simply couldn’t take it anymore.” As to the “billions” in damages Oracle has been after, SAP’s attorneys might want to tap into the vintage legalese of Jackie Chiles, Kramer’s lawyer on Seinfeld: “That’s totally inappropriate! It’s lewd, vesivius, salacious, outrageous!” Thomas Wailgum covers Enterprise Software, Data Management and Personal Productivity Apps for CIO.com. Follow him on Twitter @twailgum. Follow everything from CIO.com on Twitter @CIOonline. E-mail Thomas at twailgum@cio.com. Related content opinion What CIOs Need to Know About HP's Acquisition of Autonomy Here's why you should be paying attention: it's a big analytics play that could help lead the way to making sense of all the unstructured data that's overwhelming enterprises of all sizes, says analyst Charles King. By Todd R. Weiss Aug 24, 2011 4 mins Business Intelligence Data Warehousing Data Management opinion Enterprise BI Made Simple Will a simplified version of enterprise business intelligence software spur user adoption? Gartner analyst James Richardson thinks so. By Todd R. Weiss Aug 15, 2011 4 mins Business Intelligence Data Management opinion ERP Market Shake-Up: What It Means to Your Company ERP vendors continue to merge and be acquired at a steady pace in 2011. Here are some tips on how you can protect your company's interests as the marketplace continues to shift, from analyst Albert Pang. By Todd R. Weiss Aug 03, 2011 4 mins CIO ERP Systems Enterprise Applications opinion Cut IT Costs for Older ERP Apps With Third-Party Support Some large enterprises are looking to third-party ERP support providers to reduce their maintenance and support costs by 50 percent or more rather than sticking with their existing ERP vendors. Rebecca Wettemann of Nucleus Research explains the circu By Todd R. Weiss Aug 02, 2011 4 mins ERP Systems IT Strategy Enterprise Applications Podcasts Videos Resources Events SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER From our editors straight to your inbox Get started by entering your email address below. Please enter a valid email address Subscribe