3 Google Glass Apps That Should Never Exist

When I used to live in Georgia, there was an old joke I’d hear quite often. It went something like this:

When you go to a party in Atlanta, someone always tries to break the ice with, “What do you do for business?” In Macon, the typical icebreaker is, “Which church do you belong to?” And in Savannah, the inevitable question is, “What would you like to drink?”

But imagine if everyone at these parties was wearing Google Glass; the questions would be completely unnecessary. In the future, Google Glass apps could tell you everything you need to know about your fellow partygoers, for better or for worse.

The following list includes some party-perfect Google Glass apps. (Okay, these don’t actually exist..and that’s probably a good thing.)

* InstantAudits: A Glass app that lets IRS auditors check out partygoers and immediately know if they’ve filed their taxes, if they misused business travel deductions and if they are Tea Party members.

* X-Rated X-Ray: An app that can instantly access partygoers’ complete history of full-body scans from TSA security checkpoints. Now here’s an icebreaker for ya: “Hey, lookin’ good! You dropped a few pounds since your trip to Phoenix in February!”

* GenealogyJumpStart: Software that lets you know, within seconds, if partygoers have a few nuts in their family trees. This app could be particularly helpful in avoiding hookups with people whose grandfathers are arrested every Christmas for shooting mistletoe out of trees during target practice. (It happens.)

Just in case you think these imaginary apps are completely daft, consider this real, adult Glass app that’s already in development.

From the ever-tasteful New York Post: “Imagine, for example, walking around with your Google Glass glasses on and a notification pops up saying that one of your friends has created a porno which you can then view with a simple verbal command.”

I can only imagine that the “simple verbal command” would be: “Oh, yeah!” I say: “No thanks.”

(Image from TheTechBlock.com)