by Al Sacco

Why the New iPhone Will Be the Most Awesomest Product Ever

Apr 04, 20132 mins

Why waste precious time reading lengthy analysis stories on why the new iPhone can't fail?'s Al Sacco explains why in five easy-to-digest sentences.

This morning, I came across a few stories about the upcoming iPhone, which is expected to be unveiled this summer, and how it “can’t lose,” no matter what.

iPhone fanboi fanboy

As I read the headlines on Google News, I thought to myself, I don’t even have to read these stories! (And I didn’t.) I know exactly what they’ll say. Then, Why shouldn’t I get in on all the new iPhone “5S” fun? I’ll write my own post that says exactly what the other ones say but with far fewer words! (Words, who needs ’em?)

So here goes. The new iPhone will be the single most-awesomest, most-popular must-have product since the dawn of man because…

  • It’s an iPhone!
  • It’s newer than the “old” iPhone!
  • People wait outside in line for days for iPhones!
  • Apple makes it, and even though Steve Gods Jobs isn’t with us anymore, it’s still Apple!
  • The iPhone just rules, and you suck if you don’t have one.

‘nough said.

(Obviously, this post was written in jest…sort of. But the posts that inspired it are very real. Also, you clicked my headline and read this post. I took the time to write it. And the next iPhone will sell out in record time, largely because of the points stated above.)


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